Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

The TSA is a Joke

November 24, 2010 Leave a comment

“What are you looking for?”
“My keys.”
“Where did you lose them?”
“In the driveway.”
“Then why are you looking in the yard?”
“The light is better over here.”


“What are you looking for?”
“Where would you find them?”
“On Muslim terrorists.”
“Then why are you patting down the 3 year old girl from a middle American Christian family?”
“The political correctness is better over here.”

Categories: Uncategorized

How Bad Is It?

October 29, 2009 2 comments

The Obama economy is so bad…

  • Creflo Dollar had to change his name to Creflo Quarter
  • Politicians are offering layaway plans for bribes
  • Dollar Stores now have signs that say, “Just Four Easy Payments of $0.25!”
  • George Bailey had to accept the job offer from Mr. Potter.
  • “Made in Taiwan” is now considered a designer label
  • Everyone showed up to your Halloween party as a hobo – and they weren’t wearing costumes
  • David Letterman had to write one of his own jokes
  • They had to close the Starbucks across the street from the Starbucks
  • Betty Crocker started a new product line called “Roadkill Helper”
  • If you call in the next 10 minutes you get nothing extra, but you still have to pay additional shipping and handling
  • When a woman says she’ll give you a blow job, your first thought is employment opportunity
  • Lesbians are wearing flannel shirts — to keep warm
  • We’re finally protecting our borders — to keep Americans from sneaking into Mexico
  • J.C. Penney is now called J.C.I.O.U.
  • I got a letter that says I’m pre-declined for a credit card
  • CBS can only afford to film 20 minutes worth of 60 minutes
  • The “Special” at my grocery store is “Buy One, Get One”
  • eHarmony is allowing sheep to register for potential dates
  • Police have to use prank hand buzzers instead of tasers (don’t hand-buzz me, bro)
  • Joel Osteen is now preaching the Austerity Gospel
  • I won’t take credit for writing these jokes without sufficient collateral

Stolen from Twitter…

  • A picture is now only worth 200 words
  • Kenya now claims Barack Obama wasn’t born there
  • It only takes one lick to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop
  • When I get a message from the bank about “insufficient funds” I wonder if it means me or them
  • Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore
  • Chicago politicians are laying off judges
Categories: Uncategorized